Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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