are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
