god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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