My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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