Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
