dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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