What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
