i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
