Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
