Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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