she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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