Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
