Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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