Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
