PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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