i was born a porn star she said
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
