Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
