We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
