best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
