You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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