I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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