I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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