How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my being single is dangerous.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
