Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
