remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
