remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
