Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
