you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
