I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
