oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
