at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
