I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
