It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
