Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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