I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
