I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
