before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
