Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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