y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
