We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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