census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
