i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
