What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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