I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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