im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
