She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
