I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
