the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
