Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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