Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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