Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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