There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
