i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
