i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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