it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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