She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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