If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
